Does Uncle Sam Hate Singles? Time to Look Ahead to 2011 Taxes

I think Uncle Sam DEFINITELY has something against the unmarrieds…at least (especially!) during tax season.

Every year I see the amount I OWE TO THE GOVERNMENT steadily increasing, and I hate it. OK, so I don’t own a home, have any student loans needing payoff, or have any children. Or a husband. I get it. My net worth as far as tangible and nontangible assets is solely ME, and therefore I should give relatively more of everything I earn back to the national purse. Cruel logic, but fine. But since I hear nearly all my friends or family members around me sighing in agony about the pittance they’re expecting of a refund (or, about the tiny windfall, although that’s all relative)…it’s a tougher pill to swallow. Really? Shut up! is what I wanna tell them. I’ve gone through my taxes with a fine tooth comb and I still owe more than just a chunk of change.

And yes, I’m aware that many others have it much worse so…rant over.

Anyway, if you are similarly depressed and already looking ahead to 2011 taxes, here are some really small tips (coming from a non-financial advisor, mind you), and possibly useless bits of info I’ve gleaned in my attempt to find a silver lining in the cloud known as “Pay to the order of: IRS”…

1. Both the standard deduction AND the personal exemption will increase slightly for 2011. It’ll be $5,800 and $3,750 for singles claiming themselves. Does this mean the tax is also proportionately increasing for varying income levels? Er, I have no idea. But I figure an increase in both numbers can’t be a bad thing.

2. The first-time homebuyer’s credit of $8,000 will expire after April 30 of this year. Is this good news? Well, it is for those of us who aren’t really sure we wanna buy a home right now (me), and don’t want the tease of that tax credit clouding our judgment.

3. Apparently there’s a small credit available for current homeowners who install certain energy-improving accoutrements like windows, doors, furnaces, etc. Does not help me whatsoever. Still: good to know, right? Maybe it will help you!

Here’s my really short and not-so-ambitious recommended 2011 Taxes To Do List:

* Start a savings sub-account NOW for what you think you’ll owe in 2011. If you get a refund, great. If you’re like me and you don’t think your income or homeownership status or the like will change dramatically, you had better start saving. I recommend ING Direct for their comparatively awesome interest rates.

* Talk to a tax advisor… Really, how does one prep this far in advance for taxes? Increase 401K contribution? Reduce my withholdings? Oh, the possibilities are endless… You know, I don’t even WANT a refund! You hear that, Uncle Sam?! I just want to finish out my taxes and come to big fat $0. Never has a zero seemed so appealing!

Have any tax tips you wanna share? (Rants and raves are also welcome.)

P.S. I’m totally not a tax expert (in case you couldn’t tell). Here the sources I gleaned for some of the 2011 info above:
http://mdjonline.com/view/full_story/12820274/article-It-s-not-too-early-to-think-about-next-year-s-taxes?instance=secondary_story_left_column

http://www.northjersey.com/news/119994704_Done_with_your_taxes__Get_started_for_2012.html?c=y&page=2

5 Reasons to Try Online Dating

Thankfully, the ‘taboo’ and stigmas surrounding online dating courtesy of sites like Match.com or eharmony.com are things of the past. I don’t know what the stats are, but at least half the happy couples I know met online versus the traditional route of through a friend or at an event.

When do you know you’re ready to take the plunge? I don’t think you HAVE to be willing and ready to commit to something in order to try it. Atfer all, it’s not marry-me-tomorrow.com for a reason. Is it deceitful to not know what you really want? Some might say so, but then again, where has knowing exactly what you wanted gotten me thus far?

1. You Keep Making the Same Mistakes Over and Over
No matter what the mistakes are, the only way to break old patterns is by doing, by taking some type of action. And getting to know people you’ve just met in a no-pressure environment of a first date can be really good for bad-pattern-breaking.

2. Everybody’s Doing It!
I’m not talking about peer pressure here. Maybe it’s not a bad idea to sign up for an account to support a friend who’s taking the plunge and needs some solidarity.  Even if you’re still weirded out by what might be a new concept for you, think of how much easier it will be when you’re not choosing photos and writing out profiles solo.

3. You’re Becoming Cynical
What’s the LAST thing a newly single or longtime single person likes to hear? “There are plenty of fish in the sea.” HATE IT!  I mean, really, no one likes to hear trite sayings. But, well, if you are starting to frighten yourself with the bitter comebacks you hear echoing in your mind or with how despondent and teary-eyed you’re getting listening to sappy love songs, maybe it really IS time to see what’s out there. And if you find out that there really aren’t plenty of good fish to go around after all? Well, at least you can back up that cynicism or despair with facts!

4. You (Sort of) Know What You Want
OK, this kind of contradicts what I said earlier…but I wouldn’t jump into the online thing unless you are certain about some things you absolutely won’t compromise on. Are you looking for something casual or serious? Even (especially?) if you’re somewhat unsure, tread carefully!

5. Money Isn’t an Issue (or an Excuse!)
Online dating can be as expensive as a monthly gym membership…i.e. really not that much considering what you might get in return. If $30 bucks is too much to you, you probably just aren’t ready to take that step. And if your coworker or mother offers to pay that monthly fee for you, well, now you REALLY have no excuse!

No, I’m not venturing into the online world…yet. At least, not that I know of. (Although one of my colleagues has threatened to set up an account for me. True story.)

Tips and input about Match, eharmony, etc., welcome!

It’s that Time of Year: The Question No One Likes to Hear…

It doesn’t matter if you’re single or not; happy or sullen. People will ask:

Why are you still single? Not engaged yet? Not married yet?” Etc.

The question is super annoying, but it won’t go away. And it seems like this time of year, holidays in full swing and reunions with loved ones and old friends aplenty, the question comes at you from left and right. And yeah, it can suck. But it happens, and I’m sure I’ve been guilty of asking it of friends myself, even though I know how exasperating it can be to be on the receiving end.

So, how to handle those awkward inquisitions that are sure to come your way?

Turn the question around
Ask the person about his or her significant other. Be nice–it can be tempting if you know the friend is kind of miserable in his/her relationship to lash out for their insensitivity, but be the bigger person and leave out any sardonic undertones. And if they’re happy, be happy for them. People love talking about themselves, so it can be quite easy to bury the question!

Be honest
“I just haven’t met someone yet” or “Things just haven’t worked out” or “I haven’t thought about it lately, I’m pretty busy with [school, work, other commitments]” are perfectly fine answers. Don’t make up a false significant other just to shut them up. 😀

…But be interesting
By the same token, the honest answer might be kind of trite. Melodrama that turns into a good narrative is always a better option (“I just ended it with the craziest person I’ve ever met. Funny story…”) Because there’s always a juicy twist, and even the politest friends will love to hear it! Just be sure you can actually quip about it, but hey, nothing like tears to make sure the other person NEVER asks you that question again…

And finally—

Just be flattered!
If your relationship status puzzles someone, it probably means they think you deserve the next logical step (relationship if you’re single, engagement if you’re dating, kids if you’re married…etc). So swallow your irritation, pick one of the methods above, and take the compliment!

How do YOU handle The Question?

Those 7 Dreaded Words a Friend Can Say…

“There’s someone I want you to meet.”

That’s what my friend K said to me yesterday. Really, is there a more loaded statement you can hear from a friend?

Aside from feeling pressure to like someone that your friend thinks highly of (you hope), when someone thinks they’ve found a match for you, they’re judging you to some extent. You get to find out exactly what kind of person they imagine you’d be attracted to.

K’s description: a really nice guy, and someone she didn’t find that attractive, but I might. (Laugh out loud, yes she did say those words!)

Lucky for K, we’re new friends, so I wouldn’t judge her too harshly on her judgment. And I know she’s honed in on a very specific type for herself (X-colored hair and X-colored eyes), so that last remark I will let slide.

Aside from the indirect judgment call a friend passes when they want to introduce you to someone, what if you don’t like the person at all? Awkward…

Do you trust your friends’ judgments on finding you a match? Or family, for that matter?
(First Person Singular’s response: sometimes and NO.)

The Friend Zone: Fact or Fiction?

Welcome to the real world. This isn’t “Some Kind of Wonderful”, and you can’t offer a smooching lesson in your friend’s garage (no matter how hot the scenario) to get you out of that Friend Zone you’ve dug for yourself. See this girl? Yeah, me. I’ve been there–countless times. But not since post-grad. I might be way off the mark, but I think once you reach adulthood and you don’t share a bus, five classes, or a dormitory with someone every single day, the Friend Zone is largely a relationship myth. Really, by now, what mature adult is THAT clueless about someone right in front of them? Either the attraction just isn’t there and you’re in denial…or maybe you’ve managed to create a Friend Zone without knowing it. Can you cross over to the other side? Don’t ask me! But you can be proactive…

How to Stay Clear of the Friend Zone:

Don’t Facebook him/her.
If you’re REALLY interested, don’t click the ‘Add’ button too soon. The 24/7 contact that is social media is about as close as we can get to the shared bus ride. If it can’t be helped, minimal wall-decorating and status-commenting is best to keep the mystery from becoming the predictable. You always want what you can’t have, right? Those stuck in the Friend Zone always harbor that hope: “maybe if I remind him/her that I exist…” Nope. Keep your distance!

Don’t divulge or accept too many details on your/their love life.
This can be tricky. I admit I sometimes drop a casual reference to see if the guy cares or, er, to get even for an especially annoying reference from their end. However, if I frequently get into a nitty-gritty play-by-play and you’re on a first-name basis with guys you don’t even know…you’ve dug yourself real deep. Gloss over the topic and move on. This isn’t an easy “in” to someone’s heart, it’s an out. Because guess who they’re thinking about when they talk in details about their love life? Not you!

Don’t expect him/her to “wake up”
High school/college is one thing; we’re all figuring out who we are. By now, we know what we’re doing (at least somewhat). Odds are, your object of attraction just isn’t interested. If they really have a lot of growing up to do before you, their reason-for-being, would become obvious– why are you so interested, anyway?

Don’t woe-is-me the situation
Yeah, you’re SUCH a good friend that you’re the answer to all his/her problems? You know what’s best? But real healthy love is not that in-your-face. The funny thing about the Friend Zone is that you are way into the other person and totally self-absorbed at the same time. Do you frequently have “Why doesn’t he/she SEE it?!”-ish thoughts? It may seem innocent enough, but constantly reminding the other person how compatible you are and how much you have in common in not-so-subtle ways just prevents them from seeing the genuine, non-crazy, non-selfish you.

Be a REAL friend
You know, one that can be counted on but isn’t a 24-7, at-your-service standby. Unless you’re that saintly and save-the-day-ish to everyone, inner resentment (you know you harbor it!) will shine through when you don’t get your anticipated reaction.  If you have any hope of moving this thing forward, don’t pay any more attention than you would to an actual ‘friend.’

The Friend Zone is like the Catch-22 of relationships, in my opinion. The harder you try to get out of it, the deeper you find yourself in…

Am I wrong? Is the Friend Zone fact or fiction in the adult world? Have you ever navigated your way out of one?

Kitchen Survival: The Basics (and they say LOVE is a battlefield?)

My kitchen and I have been having a staring contest since I moved in. So far, I think I’m losing.

I know plenty of people who are single and living alone who are perfectly capable of cooking somewhat delicious tasting, non-takeout or non-microwaveable meals—but I’ll let you know something: I’m not one of them.

And while I could probably continue to subsist on cold milk and cereal, or Subway and Pizza Hut, for dinner, I realized something over the past year.

I would like to be married and have kids someday. And according to Ms. Irene in New Orleans, I’ll have a daughter and a son. The realization came with not just a little soul searching, and well, who am I deny the words of a New Orleans palm reader? All well and good. But then it hit me:

These kids are gonna have to eat.

And while having kids might be years away, it will be nice not to starve until then. So since cooking has always intimidated me, I’ve named November the month to start getting over my tendency to default toward Ramen-like meals.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

Buy only the essential essentials…for now
Saucepans, mixing bowls, a baking sheet, and staples like butter, flour, sugar and salt. If you had all these things already, you are way ahead of where I was, um, a few weeks ago. With everything else, you can improvise when you get there. And if you get as easily stressed out by endless recipes as I do, baby steps are the only to preserve sanity.

Find one good cookbook and cling to it for dear life
For me, that’s Alice Water’s The Art of Simple Food. She does make it simple, and the hand-drawn illustrations make the read non-threatening.

Mise en Place (that’s Le Français for “everything in its place”)
This one’s a gem from Alice. She recommends reading a recipe ahead of time and laying out not only the ingredients but also the utensils and equipment needed. My own suggestion: read the recipe multiple times and highlight. It’s really annoying to buy all the ingredients you didn’t have on Sunday and be all excited on Monday evening to put it all together—only to read that one portion of your recipe calls for 4 hours of refrigeration. GREAT!

Beg, borrow, steal
There’s nothing wrong with borrowing or pinching ingredients from mom and dad. Nothing can deter a zealous culinary-unhopeful such as myself like a long list of the smaller, less obvious ingredients. Like, for example, a recipe I tried out yesterday that called for ground nutmeg. Ground nutmeg? I’m sure it’s important, but what exactly does it DO? When else will I need it? Right now I need simplicity, not answers. So I (unintentionally) displayed my ignorance to the parents, and they were more than happy to let me take the called-for tablespoon in a plastic Ziploc bag. Crisis averted.

Get used to inconvenience
Like many awesome things, good-tasting and healthy meals  come at a price, mainly inconvenience. I can’t name many drool-worthy Indian meals my parents make (and yes, I WILL most definitely be learning that too!) that don’t require the oven and/or stovetop.

So for now I’ve decided that everything that needs heating or reheating needs to NOT go in the microwave anymore (little steps, remember?). I may not be ready to cook a pot roast yet, but the  shiny new cookware I bought recently mainly for the sake of the next generation (Lord help them) has got to come out of the box!

This week I’m trying to make apple pie and get used to using real, LIVE cookware. Updates to come, and don’t worry, more over-opinionated relationship analysis forthcoming as well!

Any tips from you experienced home cooks out there? Am I missing something?

Singles’ Survival Guide: When Fall Makes You Miserable

Surprise. Sometimes I don’t love being single.

Was I starting to fool you? Hey, I’m not a robot.  It’s not always sunshine and anything-but-red roses for me. Just because I’m not ready for a commitment doesn’t mean I’m always giddy about it.

So, this is the first in a series of posts I’ll do when the dark mood strikes: your ‘Singles’ Survival Guide.’ (Even the optimists just need to get through sometimes.)

That being said- it’s fall and it SUCKS to be single. Am I the only who feels all the good things of the season are family- or couples-oriented? Getting one’s kids ready for school, walking through the park, carving pumpkins (I’m clumsy—I can’t carve a pumpkin by myself). Comfort foods? Um, at least for this single, you’re looking in the wrong kitchen.

Not to mention the suddenly rainy and blah weather. This year’s transition to cooler temperatures has especially caught me off guard. Whereas normally I get home in the evenings and have a ton of things I wanna do, the weather is making me lazy and totally unproductive. (‘Slogging’ is the correct term for it.)

So, how to survive a damp and dreary autumn amid nauseatingly happy couples and families around you?

Turn Down the Volume of Your Thoughts
No, really. I hardly ever turn on the TV, but even I see my DVD player as a valuable survival tool. Woe-is-me thoughts get louder during this time of year. We all have them—do whatever it takes to drown them out with noise!

Take Lots of Naps
If you’re too cheap to turn on the heat (I refuse to turn it on before December), sleep more. Your wild and crazy summer probably deprived you anyway. Hey, you can’t be unhappy if you’re unconscious.

Hang Out With Friends…on Non-Single Turf If Need Be
There is an inverse relationship between the weather and the NEED to hang out with friends. In warm weather, you do it because you want to—friends are fun! In cold weather, it becomes more of a necessity. If, like me, you only have friends who are in serious relationships, hang out with the ones who can excise themselves from their other half, or at least function in groups as two distinct beings.

Exercise More
Because endorphins make you feel good. And it will wear you out and make it easier to take those additional naps mentioned above.

So yeah. Not doing so great right now. And as long as we’re setting records straight here—I need to confess something: just because I don’t believe in relationships as a lifestyle default doesn’t mean I’m not seeing anyone. Um, yeah, you could say there’s someone in my life—someone I’m kinda-sort-of-not-quite-seeing. I’ll go into more detail in future posts; right now he’s pissed me off and I have nothing good or objective to say. Yeah, I know what that sounds like… but it’s a non-relationship relationship.  More later!

Questions for you singles: do the seasons affect your happiness with your relationship status? What else can I do to make it to winter?

Singles Auction RECAP: Are Guys Just Lazier? Mother Nature vs. Human Nature

[This post was originally published on hrmag.com as part of the First Person Singular blog.]

So…sorry my auction update is this late. Let me fill you in…

Even I was getting excited, ME the romantic-turned-skeptic-borderline-cynic who couldn’t care less if the guy of my dreams showed up that night or not. Still, the night seemed to promise possibilities that even I was open to…

Well, turns out Mother Nature had other plans.

Talk about a DAMPER – the worst rainstorm in months, and the weather guys warning about a tornado (people in Hampton Roads never learn- don’t listen to the weather guys!). Nineteen of the 20 Singles showed up, my Dominion Derby Girls (and guy) showed up, a small crowd came – but where were the guys who sent odd or otherwise questionable messages post-magazine release?

Definitely not at the Granby Theater. When the MC asked all the single guys in the audience to raise their hands, I think I saw 5 hands. FIVE GUYS, some of them there to support a friend, and 10 girls onstage. You do the math!

Now, don’t get me wrong.  Everyone got many bids, and I myself (as long as we’re deflecting any misconceptions here) got bid on by 4 guys. The one who ended up winning seems like a very nice guy, but he also bid on and won a fellow Single. So, while I’m happy I wasn’t won by the guy who looked old enough to have reared me, I don’t know if I should be beside myself with flattery.

I’d love to blame Mother Nature – she really made it difficult for all the 100+ people who RSVP’ed to show up. Still, then we look at the flip side: the men.

Somehow, despite the downpour, the women showed up in droves. Half the guys went for over $200 each, and you could tell some of the girls were giving it their best shot to win one of the guys as a date. (I think I can even use the word clamor here.) I won’t list the amounts the women went for, but it wasn’t a becoming comparison.

So, I reiterate – where were you, all you guys who sent me messages or emails? I got a ridiculous message the day after the auction—some guy said he’d seen my profile in Hampton Roads Magazine and wanted to know if I’d had any luck. Thanks, lazy ass…you could have just shown up and seen for yourself!

Guys, it doesn’t get easier than this. Ten very successful and, if I do say so myself, desirable women let it be known EXACTLY what they do for a living, where they live, their hobbies, what they find attractive – and some of you may have put your feelers out, but when we didn’t swoon at your somewhat awkward and questionable openers, you didn’t come to the auction!

On the upside, apparently some guy told one of my derby gals that I had the best legs of all the Singles. So, readers, now you know!

Guys, how well do you have to know someone before you’re willing to put in some effort? You know, put a little fight into it. Do women just want it more? Should we blame Mother Nature or your human nature?

Get Your Game Face On: Dating (or a Singles Auction) is EXACTLY Like Athletic Competition

I suck at dating. I can back this up: I always fall for someone only after getting to know them for a loooong time. I’ve turned down guys I ended up being attracted to way after they’d moved on. It took me years to get over my high school crush. Do you read me? No wonder I’m a mess. The adult, not-in-school-anymore version of dating is like a foreign language to me!

So what the hell do I think I’m doing auctioning myself off tonight? When offered the chance to write my bio for the event, I didn’t know how to fill in the “Pam is looking for____” blank, so I panicked and passed.

Luckily, there’s one thing I’m REALLY good at: athletic competition. I might not be a gymnast you’ve heard of, but this is fact: 9 out of 10 times, I will do a better routine when it counts than I’ve ever done in practice. That’s because I’ve mastered getting into The Zone. When you have to compete alongside kids more than HALF your age (yes, I do that), well, let’s just say it’s a humiliation not to be enjoyed but to be survived. And The Zone is your strongest weapon.

Zing! Humiliation- isn’t that the very essence of dating? Who WANTS to be dating? Most of us suffer through this misery because we want to be married someday. Yes, even me. Someday WAY down the road I hope, but yeah, even relationship-phobic me.

Back to my analogy. If you really want something, you must go through (sometimes mortifyingly embarrassing) fire. It’s practically a rite of passage. Lucky me, I embarrass myself quite often, so I’ve got The Zone down to a science.

Preparing for a date (or auction) is OBVIOUSLY best done as you would for a competition:

FUEL UP
Because when you’re out there competing, or dating, not only do you need the energy, but the thought of eating might just make you nauseous in the moment, so you need to be able to go, go, go. And you never know; maybe your date will take you somewhere with horrible food. (Take a granola bar along just in case.)

REMEMBER: WINNING ISN’T EVERYTHING
Actually, every real athlete knows this mantra is total bullshit. If you don’t wanna win, why are you even bothering? The trick is this: you only think about winning during practice. When you’re under pressure, you BETTER be telling yourself winning doesn’t matter, because it’s the only way you won’t crack! So go ahead, tell yourself: this date does not matter. It does not matter if no one cool bids on me. If I don’t make a good first impression, it doesn’t matter. Etc. Feed your ego some BS during crunch time, because it needs it!

PRACTICE LIKE YOU TRAIN
You don’t spend all those hours in the gym just to falter when it counts. Likewise, you don’t enjoy being single, figure out who you really are and what you really want only to fall for the first schmuck who looks good and is fully employed. Stay focused!

DON’T PAY ATTENTION TO THE COMPETITOR AHEAD OF YOU
When I compete, I never, EVER watch the person who performs right before me. I’ll watch everyone else, then use those extra minutes to clear my head and shut out everything around me.

So, don’t think about so-and-so who met the guy or girl of their dreams last night, or another friend currently hiding from Bunny Boiler. Others’ performances don’t affect you! Thinking about them now can only trip you up.

SET SPECIFIC GOALS
Every athlete knows this. Set a new PR, increase your mileage, just finish—whatever. Goals are personal. For tonight’s auction, mine are the following:

–         Do not trip on stage. DO NOT.
–         Have fun! Because the 19 other Singles are awesome, and some of my derby family will be in attendance! (Look for the badasses on skates!)
–         Look good. Because when there are pictures to be taken, I’m extra vain. Simple as that.

FORGET ABOUT THE PAST
How you messed up in training yesterday does not matter. How royally you screwed up your last relationship or date does not matter. GET YOUR HEAD IN THE HERE AND NOW!

Do you give yourself a pep talk before a date or approaching strangers?

What’s So SENSATIONAL about Being Single?

So I told you last post that I’m gonna be auctioned in a few weeks as a ‘Sensational Single’.

But wait. Sensational? And…single? Did I skip a beat? How can those two words stand together without causing a cosmic explosion?! Society tells us that single people cannot possibly be happy!

In Facebook speak, “single” means you’re: NOT in a relationship; NOT tangled up in some “Complicated” affair (that you’re admitting to, anyway); and NOT matrimonially bound. W-2s and passport applications, on the other hand, don’t give a damn about who you’re dating, not dating, or non-dating. ‘Single’ just means unmarried.

Either definition, they’re rubbing it in your face. You are ALONE! And baby, you are miserable!

The world paints singlehood in an ugly picture—and many of us buy it. We forget that being single isn’t just defined by the presence or absence of an ‘other half.’ And here I must reiterate one of my core beliefs. If you are always on the lookout for someone to fill the void, that’s not being single; that’s being pathetic. (Trust me, I’ve been there!)

Now, I’m not knocking marriage or love. But that doesn’t mean you need to be in full-out search mode all the time.

(*A caveat: if you are NEWLY single, i.e. newly no longer part of a couple, the wound is fresh and open—you won’t become a giddy first person singular overnight.  So if that’s your case, please read on with bitterness and then read again once you’re feeling a bit human again.)

The Top 7: Why I Think Being Single is the Most Awesome/Important Thing You Can Do as an Adult (Besides Be Employed):

• You decide what’s important to you. When paired up, we tend to be REACTIVE instead of proactive. We value our significant other’s opinion and hold it to a high standard. It’s nice to make a decision without needing input!
• You can pursue outlandish/expensive/weird passions and hobbies freely. These things tend to go on the backburner when someone enters the picture. If you simply don’t WANT anything except a spouse, 2.5 kids and a picket fence, and that’s ALL you want to devote your life to, fine. Okay. You’re a lot more selfless than I am! (And a lot more boring.)
• You have the freedom to make decisions, big and small, that only affect you. Whether a sudden decision to travel the world or a failed attempt in the kitchen, you’re usually only uprooting (or poisoning/starving) yourself.
• You learn to take care of yourself. Budgeting, doing laundry and taxes correctly…you should be able to do these solo. (OK, maybe not the tax thing.)
• You can be totally spontaneous. You’re much freer to go with the moment. Say yes. Change your mind. Reschedule plans, throw common sense out the window, buy a cross-country plane ticket at 2am that leaves in 10 hours. Whatever!
• You can figure out who you are and what you want. Ever considered the possibility that you DON’T KNOW? What do you REALLY want from a significant other? When we’re just seeking constant companionship because we don’t wanna be alone, we gravitate toward instant gratification: Someone to “understand” us (FYI, I have never “understood” another human being, nor do I wanna try). A permanent plus-one for holidays and weddings. Someone to hold us at the end of a stressful day. Etc.

  These little things barely scratch the surface. They seem so important, but I think it takes a LOT of mature self-awareness, and a lot of clearheaded non-desperation, before you really get to the nitty-gritty issues of compatibility and lasting love…and isn’t that what everyone really wants? (So I’ve heard. I keep hearing good things about this “love” business.)

Which brings me to the most important reason to be single of all:

• When we’re suckered in a relationship (after relationship) under false (read: desperate) pretenses, or are always in “lookout”mode, we are that much further away from finding the right person! Your dream match might not happen to be single during those small windows when you’re unattached or drowning in self-pity. Remember that scene in When Harry Met Sally when Carrie Fisher tells Meg Ryan, “If you don’t get him first, somebody else will, and you’ll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband!”?
  DOESN’T THAT IDEA JUST TERRIFY YOU??

I’m totally kidding. That is NOT the most important reason. I still think the other, more selfish, reasons are way better!  But if you don’t buy my other reasons quite yet, I’ll resort to scare tactics!! Don’t wish away your single years!

Okay, enough serious talk. I’m not ready to give up being single yet, but I can be proactive. Next post: my top dealbreakers & dealmakers!

Am I crazy to like being single? Leave a comment!