Singles Auction RECAP: Are Guys Just Lazier? Mother Nature vs. Human Nature

[This post was originally published on as part of the First Person Singular blog.]

So…sorry my auction update is this late. Let me fill you in…

Even I was getting excited, ME the romantic-turned-skeptic-borderline-cynic who couldn’t care less if the guy of my dreams showed up that night or not. Still, the night seemed to promise possibilities that even I was open to…

Well, turns out Mother Nature had other plans.

Talk about a DAMPER – the worst rainstorm in months, and the weather guys warning about a tornado (people in Hampton Roads never learn- don’t listen to the weather guys!). Nineteen of the 20 Singles showed up, my Dominion Derby Girls (and guy) showed up, a small crowd came – but where were the guys who sent odd or otherwise questionable messages post-magazine release?

Definitely not at the Granby Theater. When the MC asked all the single guys in the audience to raise their hands, I think I saw 5 hands. FIVE GUYS, some of them there to support a friend, and 10 girls onstage. You do the math!

Now, don’t get me wrong.  Everyone got many bids, and I myself (as long as we’re deflecting any misconceptions here) got bid on by 4 guys. The one who ended up winning seems like a very nice guy, but he also bid on and won a fellow Single. So, while I’m happy I wasn’t won by the guy who looked old enough to have reared me, I don’t know if I should be beside myself with flattery.

I’d love to blame Mother Nature – she really made it difficult for all the 100+ people who RSVP’ed to show up. Still, then we look at the flip side: the men.

Somehow, despite the downpour, the women showed up in droves. Half the guys went for over $200 each, and you could tell some of the girls were giving it their best shot to win one of the guys as a date. (I think I can even use the word clamor here.) I won’t list the amounts the women went for, but it wasn’t a becoming comparison.

So, I reiterate – where were you, all you guys who sent me messages or emails? I got a ridiculous message the day after the auction—some guy said he’d seen my profile in Hampton Roads Magazine and wanted to know if I’d had any luck. Thanks, lazy ass…you could have just shown up and seen for yourself!

Guys, it doesn’t get easier than this. Ten very successful and, if I do say so myself, desirable women let it be known EXACTLY what they do for a living, where they live, their hobbies, what they find attractive – and some of you may have put your feelers out, but when we didn’t swoon at your somewhat awkward and questionable openers, you didn’t come to the auction!

On the upside, apparently some guy told one of my derby gals that I had the best legs of all the Singles. So, readers, now you know!

Guys, how well do you have to know someone before you’re willing to put in some effort? You know, put a little fight into it. Do women just want it more? Should we blame Mother Nature or your human nature?

  1. pam!! i love it!!! u r too funny – very well written – especially the “Thanks, lazy ass…” loved it!!! and the cocktails gave me the extra bravery to do my clamoring!! lol xoxo

    • Pam said:

      Haha, thanks Wendy! Oh when I said “clamor” I meant the girls in the audience…but you definitely did an admirable amount of clamoring as well! 😉 xo

  2. Lily said:

    from what I can tell from my own experience, guys these days just don’t care to put in the extra effort it takes to get to know women. i’m a college student, and most of the guys i know are completely willing to get to know you if YOU take the initial risk and go introduce yourself. but it’s a tricky situation, since a lot of communication is via internet or cell phone, so you never really can tell what the person you’re ”flirting” with is really thinking.

    • Pam said:

      Hmm. Thanks for the comment, Lily… I wish I could say it gets easier after college, but I don’t know if I believe that. It DOES get easier when nonverbal communication is eliminated, or at least lessened… 😦

  3. Pete said:

    pam, funny story. i would have predicted just the opposite. could it be that the era of the outgoing, proactive (the adjective, not the skin care product) guy is over? this seems like a good example of the gender role reorganization that’s been going on in some subtle and not so subtle ways for the past couple decades (or longer). now, instead of males being the ones who seek, we seem to prefer being sought. strange. i wonder if it’s a fear of rejection.

    maybe the issue is that men are always interested, but women are decidedly not–at least not always. i mean, i don’t know many (single) guys who would ever resist an advance from an interested lady. but girls seem all too happy to shoot down a guy if his lines aren’t good, if his shirt’s untucked (or, heaven forbid, tacky), if he’s not hanging around the “right” people, or if the stars aren’t lined up in the proper way. maybe males are just tired of rejection. they have their x-boxes, netflix subscriptions, and let’s not forget internet porn. maybe the risk associated with hitting on girls outweighs the reward nowadays. i mean, if you keep pumping quarters into a slot machine for an hour, that’s one thing, but going back to the same machine and spending $100, $1000, $10000 without a payoff is enough to weaken any resolve.

    for my part, i have neither x-box, netflix, nor internet, so that probably accounts for my unabashed self-embarrassment. i have no problem talking to strange girls and getting rejected. it happened a few times just last weekend. at the end of the day, even getting rejected is more interesting than reading dostoevsky alone in my dark apartment. my solution–outlaw males’ favorite diversions. give them a reason to go make fools of themselves. this won’t help you, alone. making the pool of idiots larger will almost certainly make me look less ridiculous by comparison.

    anyway, the willingness of the female “buyers” to clamor is probably a good indication that whatever the guys are doing is working. it still comes down to supply and demand, doesn’t it? still, though, weird.

    i find it even funnier (like “haha funny”) that the guys were ready to flirt online, but when it came time to replace their keyboards for wallets, they didn’t show. i’m sure there is a research opportunity somewhere in there. “a study of the impact of free digital technologies on males’ virtual and actual flirting behaviors” or something like that.

    a possible upside is that maybe all the classy guys weren’t willing to objectify women by “purchasing” them like so many cuts of beef… doubtful, i know, but it’s the best i can come up with.

    congratulations on getting your stems complimented. that’s always nice! but why the hell did the guy tell your friend and not just you? oh well, there are plenty of fish in the sea, so i’m told. keep fishin’, and the right one will bite, i’m sure.

    • Pam said:

      Haha, Pete, your comments never fail to crack me up. “making the pool of idiots larger will almost certainly make me look less ridiculous by comparison.” hahaha – although is it really better than reading Dostoevsky alone in one’s dark apartment? Hmm. I don’t know – that’s a tossup…I’m not kidding.

      I still think men want it easy. They may want the woman to pursue more, but then it seems that they will lose interest all the more quickly. I for one really don’t care to pursue — only because that would mean I actually think I know what I want, which I don’t!

      Yep, I agree that men hardly resist an advance from an interested lady…but women usually aren’t as up for the short-term interest thing that men seem to revel in…maybe not all, but many! I think this is actually a bad thing for women. Since men WON’T resist someone even if they have no long-term interest, women have learned to be more careful, because sometimes you never know how real the interest really is.

      Objectify? I don’t know about that. The auction was a fundraiser for charity. We didn’t strip down as part of the show.

      Hmm, bet the guy didn’t compliment me directly because he reads my blog, perhaps? Haha. I’d rather hear it indirectly than directly anyway.

  4. Travis Rozier said:

    I must say the Pete is pretty much dead on with his analysis of possible psychological roadblocks to most men approaching women. I must say however that I believe that men as a whole are not lazy, in their approach. I will say that one lesson I learned through daing is that a woman will almost always reject your initial approach, if for nothing else just to see if you have the interest and tenacity to make another approach later.
    Being the aforementioned Derby Guy in attendence I can assure you the lack of enthusiasim was in no way a reflection of the ladies being bid upon. I was quite impressed and if I had been in a position to do so, would have bid on three of the ladies myself.
    As for the Don Juan de Keyboard situation… Well I can say that digitally introducing yourself can be a easier way to break the ice, but once you get past that….well you got to get out and put in some work in person!! A quality man is going to make his approach, he is going to make that approach in person. and will not be completely discouraged by being shot down the first time. We realize that effort is required for the attention and favor of a lady. However a little sincere receprication on the ladies part honestly dosen’t hurt either..

    • Pam said:

      I can only speak for me, and I know I’m not really conventional in my approach (there’s a whole blog proving that!), but I for one have NEVER rejected someone just to see if the interest is genuine. I’ve only rejected because I wasn’t interested, or interested YET. That’s what I just don’t get about modern dating. How the hell am I supposed to know if I like someone in the first 30 seconds?? I never have been able to. That’s one thing I’m trying to learn/figure out….

      Hmm, glad to hear that you would take a real in-person approach. I don’t think that’s ever happened to me, honestly. I only get the weirdos, or the ones that I like later, when it’s too late! Sigh. Something to think about, though. If anything, I’m getting that I need to be more aware and read less into an opener or first approach.

  5. Lauren D. said:

    “Thanks, lazy ass…” LOVE IT. hahaha!
    I have to say I agree with Pete, especially when he says, “maybe all the classy guys weren’t willing to objectify women by ‘purchasing’ them like so many cuts of beef…”.
    After reading this blog, I remembered a conversation I had with a male friend about strippers and (most of) society’s perception of strip club patrons. (*i realize that you weren’t up there on the pole…but i think this kind of relates. 😉 )
    basically, we were both in agreement that most people would likely agree that it’s more socially acceptable for women patrons to shout obscene things at male dancers. actually, not only is it usually “ok”, but most onlookers (male and female) will chuckle and find it comedic. on the other hand, if a group of men were to behave similarly, most women would likely view them as “pigs” and misogynists.
    my hypothesis: The “good” men were afraid of being viewed as desperate and/or creepy by the audience and the “bad” men were too cheap to pay for a date.

    one of my friends (in her mid 20s, attractive, well-educated) decided to give online dating a chance. she found (like you) that there were plenty of men willing to flirt behind the security of their computer screen. however, when it came time to meet in the flesh, most of them were pretty shy and passive.
    this may be largely due to sampling bias – perhaps shy, socially awkward men are more drawn to online dating. i mean, one of them wore black socks and sandals – the kiss of death!

    anyways, nice blog!

    • Pam said:

      I like your hypothesis, Lauren! Bad men too cheap to pay for a date? Ah, memories of my college boyfriend!!

      I honestly would not have viewed an awesome, friendly guy eager to win as anything less than flattering.The only bidder I deemed “creepy” was the guy who looked old enough to be my dad…a huge age disparity is kinda weird. But, when you put it like that, I can see how that might be an issue.

      And I’ve not yet tried the online dating thing yet…oh my, what a whole new bag of tricks I imagine!

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