Don’t get me started about the “relationship status” option on Facebook. To me, it highlights a huge pet peeve I have about modern-day relationships. But, well, that’s a topic for another day. Still, what do you think about “The Talk”? The DTR (Defining The Relationship).
Although usually a conversation you spin in order to kick the seriousness up a notch, I don’t think it’s reserved just for the from-casual-to-Facebook-official jump. Anyone you see on any sort of regular basis is DTR’ed at some point. From most casual to most serious, the “continuum” (sorry, nerd alert!) goes sort of like this: one-night-stand, sporadic hookup, friend with benefits, casual dating, exclusive dating. Etc.
I’m kind of split on DTRs. I think it can be great to define a relationship when both parties definitely agree it’s taking off, but can’t a label also limit something potentially awesome (or potentially disastrous) in the making? (Really, how often are two people on the same exact page anyway?)
Remember the guy I mentioned previous post? He doesn’t live within driving distance, so we’ve only seen each other twice in the last two months, but we talk on a somewhat regular basis. I look at it as a non-relationship—I don’t know who else he’s seeing and I don’t feel it’s my business to ask. Likewise, he doesn’t know who else I’m seeing and he doesn’t ask (although, yeah, this blog makes at least parts of my dating life somewhat known – damn him for having an advantage! Every time he makes a remark that indicates he’s been reading, I’m secretly pissed off!).
Anyway, I sort of disagree with him on what to call this—er, relationship, for lack of a better term. Why I hate labels: he gives it a casual name–ugh. We all know by now how much I crave seriousness, but really? I feel cheap. But since neither of us wants something super serious or monogamous from each other, I can’t exactly argue in favor of a higher-echelon name. So does giving it a label limit it from the get-go? After all, how many DTRs can one relationship handle?
On the flip side, how many times have you gone exclusive with someone only to find that the “officialness” took things to a level of commitment you just weren’t ready for? Too much too soon, and then what? Has a re-DTR, going from serious to more casual, ever been attempted without, well, Destroying The Relationship?
Tell me your thoughts!