I’m definitely not ready for or wanting anything serious right now, but I also know that in the past I didn’t really KNOW how I felt about certain issues until I was committed to them. Which proves I can’t be completely objective while IN a relationship. Which is why I’ve started to think about some dealbreakers and dealmakers now. Not so much to take it from dating to matrimony, but at least to take it from First Person Singular to First Person Plural.
I read somewhere that there are 3 important levels of compatibility: Intellectual, physical, and emotional. So with those in mind, I’ve started a list of some of my make-it-or-break-it essentials.
Enough is enough; no more explaining what I mean five times. Or vice versa. Conversations should flow relatively easily. (Exception: pop cultural references. And not just because it’s not a real reflection of intellect. Mainly because I have to use urbandictionary.com stealthily at least once a day while talking to friends. It’s just not a fair assessment!)
DEALmaker: Nerdy habits are attractive. So, have a nerdy quirk, like using physics laws and math equations to explain something. Even if I can’t understand you, I’ll find it fascinating!
dealBREAKER: I read a lot. So tell me what you’re reading, or even tell me you think I have bad taste in books. DO NOT say something like, “Wow. That’s so cool. I can’t remember the last time I read a book.” (Sadly, I did not dump him on the spot.)
I’ve gotta WANT you, and not just for your incredibly intelligent and sexy-nerdy brain. I want to forget your mind once in awhile and just focus on your body. I grew up valuing intelligence, but I might have overromanticized it…because in a relationship, I’ve figured out I also want and need real chemistry. Hey, I’m not saying it’s gotta be a 50-50 split between brains and rip-your-clothes-off attraction. I’ll take 51-49.
DEALmaker: I’ve never been a fan of PDA but recently it occurred to me: hey, maybe it’s not me, it’s THEM! If you can make me want to just grab you (parts unmentioned) in public, no matter who might be watching, you’re in. If I don’t want you almost all the time, where’s the fun?
dealBREAKER: If I find myself completely, 100% engaged in conversation with you after the third or fourth time we’ve met, it’s probably not a good sign. My mind should be wandering already!
(I’m not completely sure what “emotional compatibility” is, so I’m gonna wing it.)
- Be my age, or at least within 2-3 years: We need to have similar goals. I don’t want to be super career-driven while you’re just ready to start a family (or vice versa).
- Compliment me: But not all the time, because that’s annoying.
- Be very down-to-earth and practical: Because I am NOT! I need someone to tell me that my dreams are absurd and impossible but that you like me anyway—it means I’ll never have to rely on anyone but myself to find the way down my chosen path. It also keeps me motivated.
- Being needy or smothersome: I don’t wanna talk to you ALL the time, and I don’t want a play-by-play of every thought that passes through your brain.
- Not having lots of friends: I mean, I’m totally flattered if you consider me your best friend—until I find out I won that position by default.
- Being really attached to TV or material goods: You won’t find me in front of a TV all that often. Plus, how will we chuck all our belongings and travel the world otherwise?
What’s on your list? Am I missing any big things? Keep in mind, this is a SHALLOW list!